Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Good Fortune!

A second entry for the list of Stupid Happiness....

I got a good fortune in a fortune cookie!

My One Good Fortune...


To get an idea of just how big a deal this is - please keep reading...



You know how when you get Chinese food (or Thai, or Vietnamese - basically anyplace where you might get a fortune cookie...) there is always one person at the table who gets the sucky fortune?

Well - that person is me.

It's. always. me.


This is just a fact of life, and has been for as long back as anyone can remember.

In fact, it's where the title of this blog comes from - when I was trying to come up with a name, I asked Bubba for help. He's funny and good with words. I was having a difficult time coming up with a name that I felt summarized "me" and who I am.

So I asked Bubba: "What's something unique about me? I need a few quick words that sum me up."

Without hesitating, he replied "You always get the crappy fortune in your cookie".

And so, Bad Fortune Cookie was born.*

But I'm digressing - the point that I am trying to make is that no matter how bad, or trite, or cliched your fortune cookie fortune might be - mine will be worse.

I've got proof - I've been saving fortune cookie fortunes for - gosh, maybe 16 years? 20? Somewhere in there.

I've literally got hundreds of them, which I keep in a little pottery jar by the stove. These fortunes aren't all sucky - a lot of them aren't mine. If you and I were to eat Chinese food together and you offered me your fortune (which happens a lot. I get a lot of "Wow - your fortune sucks! Want mine?" pity fortunes.) I'd keep it. I keep them all...

It's been a long-running joke in my family. I used to take it personally. Heck - I was a teenager, I took everything personally. But one day something happened. Something that made me realize that it was simply my lot in life to get the bad fortune, and to get over it.

It was when Bubba and I were dating. He had taken me home to meet his parents, I believe for the first time. And we'd gone out for Chinese food.
Bubba was telling his parents about my fortune cookie curse. And everyone seemed to think it was hilarious. I protested - "It's not my fault!" I cried, "*I* don't get to pick my cookie - the waitperson picks it out for you! I have no control over the cookie that I get!"

Bubba's daddy excused himself from the table. Long story longer - seems that he knew the owners of this particular restaurant. He went to the owner and explained my predicament. So he and the owner return to the table, bearing between them a 30 gallon trash can.
Filled with fortune cookies!
I could pick out my very own cookie. At last - my true fortune would be revealed...

I took a deep breath.
I closed my eyes.
I plunged my paw deep into the 30 gallons of cookies, and rummaged around until I found the one that felt like "mine."

With all eyes upon me, I opened the cookie.
Everyone leaned in expectantly.

It.
Was.
Empty.

So, yeah. It's my lot in life to get the craptacular fortune in my cookie. I don't let it get to me anymore. It is what it is. And it's pretty darn funny...

But not this week! Not for me and my young, attractive and gifted family!





FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE
I PRESENT
AN ABBREVIATED GALLERY OF REGRETTABLE FORTUNES




You may view my commentary on any fortune by clicking upon it.






*In retrospect, I wish I'd been quick enough to come up with Ms.FortuneCookie - but alas.

Other blog names I wish I'd thought up?
  • Knitty Bar - I *thought* I thought this one up, but when I looked, there already was one.

  • I Think I'm Gonna Purl! - I didn't think this one up, but really wish that I had....

19 comments:

Jess Hutch said...

This is hilarious. I especially love the slide show. Congrats on your good fortune (and it is a really great one)!

autum said...

What a great story behind the naming of BFC. I like the other choices too. Knitty Bar....snicker...

beki said...

Ohmygosh, that is so funny!

capello said...

but, um, that's not a fortune. it's a statement.

(hey! stop throwing stuff at me! it's a true statement!)

and on a side not, how the hell did i not end up with "rockstar mommy". i mean, really, how come i didn't get that one?

shizzknits said...

The slide show is so funny!!! Sorry you get 'bad' fortunes....the running joke in our household is to add "in bed" to end of a fortune so it's better. Sometimes it makes the fortunes pretty funny.

The Caretaker said...

"... in bed."

TinkerBlue said...

The slide show cracked me up. As did I think I'm Gonna Purl.

Christy said...

Too funny! I'll never look at a fortune cookie the same way again!

Twisted Cinderella said...

That is really funny. How awful that your fortune is always bad!

MéLisa said...

Poor little Cookie! That was very funny though! I especially liked the one that said “you are a happy man” Really!? Also I think I am going to purl is classic!!! Bwhahahaha! I like BFC though, I think that it's a great name.

Angela said...

Well that was pretty funny. I'm glad to know the origins of your blog name.
I threw a tomato at Capello. :)
I like Knitty Bar. he he he.
Hey, thanks for being you.

Renee said...

So, now, are you going to be 'Bad Fortune Cookie . . except for that one time in March '07?

laeroport said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! And I'm laughing with you, not at you. And today's forturne - totally on. And I agreee. Who wants to be chided by a cookie?

normanack said...

I think I got your fortune cookie last week by mistake. It says,

Oops -- wrong cookie.

Had to have been meant for you!

jen said...

wow you seriously need to go read Miss Doxies old blog archives. She has a crazy house too. Like her cabinets all just fell off the walls. Or one day she came home to find her front yard just left.

the story of the fortune cookies though was a good one. it made me laugh. You have quite the talent with that one. Some people just have "it", clearly you've got something more intresting than everyone else!

Debbie said...

oh how funny! Had wondered about the title of your blog

tabxmaux said...

oh my god xD
I get that tons of times as well

Anonymous said...

Nice Virtual Fortune Cookie :) at http://needask.blogspot.com/2001/01/my-cookies.html. More good and bad fortune cookies here :P

Fitted Suits said...

I dont believe in bad fortune cookie,fortune cookie is a lucky charm