Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Why I Blog. (Or How Blogging Has Been Very, Very Good to Me)

I kind of thought that this sort of post would wait until the end of the month, when my "blogiversary" comes up. However, it seems to want to be written now - and who am I to argue with that???

(oh - I guess that means that the introspective navel gazing that I threatened in my last post is coming to fruition. Consider yourselves warned...)

This time last year - to put it eloquently - sucked.
In a big, total and complete way.

I don't feel like subjecting any of us to a rehash of it - it's nothing unusual, or unique (I'm sad to say) - but the nutshell version is that both my personal and professional lives were rocked to the very core, in a very scary way. Both my marriage and my job seemed - no, they were - very unstable, and I honestly wasn't certain how either would be resolved.

These instabilities began to color every aspect of my life - I began to doubt myself as a mother, a friend, and a person. Let's just wrap this up by saying that I was desperately, desperately unhappy and untethered.

Long story, getting longer - I stumbled upon the world of blogs.

I was familiar with the concept, of course. In fact, one of my best friends had maintained a blog for years. I loved his blog, the Digital LandPhil, because it allowed me to keep up with his goings-on since he up and moved across the country on me. Sure, we still called/emailed - but his site allowed me to see more into the day in/day out workings of his life. As much as I enjoyed the LandPhil, though, it never occurred to me that it was something that I would ever do.

Until things went south on me.

Suddenly, it seemed like something I needed to try.

Part of it was, honestly, that it was something that I could control - this at a time in my life when there was nothing else that it seemed that I could.

Mainly, though, the idea was that it would give me a sense of accountability. There were so many amazing people out there, doing so many amazingly creative things. I wanted to get back in touch with that part of myself again. Not in a "keeping up with the Joneses" or an "everyone's clever nowadays, so I'm jumping on the bandwagon!" sort of way. More in an "I want to reconnect with that creative side again, and this seems like a way to make it happen kind of way...." Now that I think about it, that very first post does a much better job of explaining it than I am currently doing...

Now we fast forward back to the present day - with almost a year of blogging under my belt. What a difference...

The job, as some of you know, fell by the wayside. And I'm OK with that (although it took a longass time to get to that point.) The marriage, I am pleased to say, is healed, and in many, many ways stronger than it ever was. I'm delighted with that. And I am happier now with my life and myself than I have ever been. Which rocks. It just simply does.

I hope that doesn't come across as all smug, and as if I am trying to imply that I am oh-so-perfect. 'Cause that's actually a funny thought... But I am coming to terms with my shortcomings, and my limitations - and am accepting of them.

I'm not all that, but I'm not all bad, either...

You know what? This post is getting long. And I've written/deleted/rewritten this next part far too many times already. That part's not quite done yet, I guess. I seem to have covered the "Why I Blog" part pretty well. In the next installation of this series we'll examine why I continue blogging, and the many, many ways in which it continues to surprise and delight me on a daily basis.

Thanks for being here....

14 comments:

capello said...

yeah, that's why we aren't anorexic. we blog instead. it gives us an illusion of control.

(interesting, how i rarely, if ever, call myself a bad mom on my blog now. i think writing helped me work through all that. imagine that. huh.)

amy said...

ok so i wrote a lovely heartfelt comment and blogger ate it. boo. anyways, i just want to say that i am glad you found brighter days. the blogging community is amazing in ways i cannot describe and i am so thankful to have it in my life!

Kelli said...

Thank you for writing! I am truly enjoying it. And you didn't come off as smug at all. If we cannot express our happiness without worrying about other's judgment, life has gone wrong! Let's celebrate our joys!!

bigbucketgirl said...

I'm glad you're here! (if that counts for anything?)
"Happy New Year"

beki said...

Well, I'm glad that you blog. Who would have ever thought that sharing the intimate details of one's life over the internet could bring such happiness? It does me! I too am a happier person since I started to blog. I feel kind of weird saying that out loud, but it's true. Blogging is definitly a cheap form of therapy.

Kim said...

I love reading your blog because you are so real & funny. Thank you for sharing with us!

autum said...

I'm so glad you're here!!
Don't tell anyone else, but you're my favorite blogger.

Katkat said...

I'm glad you blog. I find it a way to relax and whine. here's to a better yer for all and many more years of blogging!

MéLisa said...

I know that it has already been said but I too am glad that you blog. When I stumbled across your blog all those months ago I thought this girl is so funny! That kept me coming back. Then I have gotten to know you a little better I realized that not only are you funny but a lovely person with real problems (broken bathroom lights among them) & that made you even more enduring. I always enjoy reading about whatever you have going on. Keep it up!

bekka said...

accountability sounds like a big bad scary word! i'm so glad you're blogging! i can't wait to read what's happening in your world.

Sarah and Jack said...

How nice to hear that blogging has helped you in so many ways. I find it tremendously therapeutic in many ways, it encourages me to keep crafting and it gives me a place to be something other than a crumb sweeper for a few minutes!

Buttercup said...

I embarked on blogging in a similar place of instability, and it too has been an amazing creative outlet for me that has helped make me feel more grounded. It's also tracked my evolution, first out of a difficult relationship, and now along my quest to get out of draining job. I'm so happy that things improved for you!

jen said...

wow your story is so much better than mine. Yours is meaningful and uplifting. I just started a blog way back in the day to literally learn raw handcoding HTML. I use a blog editor for my entries and all but when i post i use raw HTML to this day. Now if i could only remember CSS coding. heh. I also learned how to make my shop work from scratch too. With a ton of Nat's help..but still.

blair said...

Having a little space all your own in the midst of your life can be so theraputic. A year of fabulous words and posts, here's to many more.