You are looking at least a 45 minute commute this morning, coming in on GA400, between Highway blahdeblah and I-285. There are no major wrecks or stalls, but a number of smaller isolated incidents have things pretty well tied up. Looks like they're in for a hell of a ride...
And this stopped me in my tracks. Why? It seems to be a fairly innocuous, even commonplace, traffic report. Because of what I was doing at the time.
Which was sitting in the car, crying. And not just a few little sniffles, either. This was a full-on, hard-core, uncontrollable Holly-Hunter-in-Broadcast-News onslaught.
And it was the third time in less than 24 hours that I've done this. Basically, each time I've gotten in the car and have been by myself, it just happens and I can't seem to stop it.
And it is Freaking. Me. Out.
I am not that girl.
I don't cry. I'm not one of those people for whom that is a point of pride - you know, those people who go around boasting about how they never, ever cry? It's not something that I am/am not proud of, it's just kind of the way that it is. I'm not a crier. I didn't even cry when Schecky was born... (and, on the few rare occasions that I do cry, I am more likely to cry when I am happy.) So what the hell is this?
Did I mention that I am Freaking. Out. A. Little. about this?
There's nothing big wrong, not at all. We're all
Oh, and not that anyone asked, and this probably borders on TMI, but this can not be attributed to monthly hormonal changes. That would bug me if it were that, but at least I'd have a clue what was going on...
Well, wait? Could this be a menopause thing? I'm thirty-freakin'-eight, isn't that too young???
Bubba's out of town, but I don't think this is about that, either. He's out of town all the time, and I cope just fine. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. If anything, my problem usually lies in the fact that I am too self-sufficient. I have a hard time letting other people in because "I can do it all on my own, thank you very much...."
I think that is part of what is freaking me out. I feel like my coping mechanisms are all out of whack. And if they're all out of whack now, when things are going along at what should be a smooth pace, what the hell happens if something bad does happen, and I need them??? And why am I worrying about what might happen? Again, I'm not that girl, either - the one who worries about things that may or may not happen... ARRRRRGH.
I called Bubba last night. And cried to him about the crying. (Which brings the crying total up to four now, in case anyone's counting.) Which freaked him out - because he didn't know what to do, or how to fix it. We had a very ungainly and unsatisfying conversation - kind of the long-distance verbal equivalent of him holding me gingerly and awkwardly patting me on the back going "There, there."
So anyway, back to the traffic report I heard this morning. It summed it up perfectly: no major wrecks or stalls, but a number of smaller isolated incidents that combine for one lousy ride.
But what do I do about it????
*As part of the editing process, I am striking through "happy" - I'm not sure I am allowed to make that claim until I can get the hysterical tears under control....